roshnisharma

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  • roshnisharma 3d

    Trusting myself has been a process. I still battle with self -sabotage or self-doubt , but I am more aware of my own patterns .
    When I notice my mind pushing me to a place of doubt , I literally have an internal conversation about what is really happening and work on dissolving the parts of my thinking that believe in having only one truth.
    I love myself even when I am in my anxiety and overthinking vogue..
    That's when I try to make peace and listen to what is happening in my body and the messages I've been not wanting to pay attention to, and most of the time, I get insights into what I need to do next. And when I don't get any insights , I just keep going - because there's no turning back from what I already know about myself.
    © Roshnisharma

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    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 2w

    It took me a very long time to discover myself in a way that I can express myself, my thoughts and visions. Is there anyone reading this? Can I reach you with my words ? Do i make a difference? That remains a question. But i like to try : And this is why along the way I found out what works and what doesn't works for me. I know my low- point, I know my weaknesses and I know better than anyone how I work . As i always say, and it is and remains a cliché. Treating another as you would like to be treated yourself is the key . Unfortunately, I cannot control how someone else thinks , and how they treat me and in what situations that has brought me. A lot has happened so that i have lost hope often enough, confidence has been damaged and i have often stood on the brink of collapse. Yet with time and awareness i have found my way back and i have kept my goal in mind. I want to show who I am, and not how someone else presents me and treats me. I want to share how i think and how things can be improved.
    When I was in a worse state , there was always something that was missing. Someone who understood me ,who felt what i felt , who could articulate what was going on inside of me , someone who could guide me through the search and name of all the chaos inside of me. I went through a growth and development that i never envisaged until a few years ago.

    @miraquill
    @writersnetwork

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    My reason why

    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 3w

    It's not possible to stay quiet for too long . There are times when you wish to scream it all out.There are times when everything inside you wish to flow down your mind. But do you let that happen? We usually have this habit of complicating things for ourselves and not even understanding where we crossed the line of thinking and stepped into overthinking . Thoughts can be infinite but thinking can be finite.
    Let forget the times when people did wrong things and you got hurt .Jump to the time when all of this happened but you never told anyone . You fought your battles alone without even knowing if they were actually yours to begin with. Mostly ,those battles were started by your mind out of frustration for certain situations or people. You took it all on yourself and started putting efforts to fight. That moment demanded you to pick that thought and throw it out.
    We unnecessarily allow things to happen to us because we are unable to decide our roles in situations . You don't have to be the hero all the time. You can also shift yourself out of it and relax. You don't have to go around fixing people because you know what being hurt feels . It's good that you know,but life has to teach evryone,let it do so..
    A lot of our problems would diffuse into the air if we don't try to control every bit of everything. Time will touch you with phases that will come and go . Nothing stays longer than the time it needs to help you grow. Nothing can help you grow better than understanding your pattern.
    Being quiet is useful when it brings peace to you. When being quiet destroys your peace, you should speak up for your ease.And helping people will only work when you know you have helped yourself enough to understand what they might be feeling.
    Thinking about it. :)
    ©roshnisharma


    @miraquill
    @writersnetwork

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    Nothing stays longer than the time it needs to help you grow..

  • roshnisharma 3w

    Falling in love can be one of the most blissful experiences of life only if you are loved back
    As unreciprocated love can rip one's heart to the core thus shattering their whole world.
    We want to move ahead in life but get stuck in the memories we had with the person or dreams of togetherness that we once weaved for that person . True love never fades it stays even if the other person doesn't love you back.. It's true that "you don't get to choose who you fall in love with,Love chooses you"

    We are all hopeless romantics for someone in our lives ...
    Now the beauty of one -sided love is that you find your happiness in the well being of your beloved who found their happiness in staying away from you..

    ~Andhera tera maine le liya
    Mera ujla sitaara tere naam kiya~
    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 4w

    { I've never met a boy who likes me for me
    Guess that I'm stupid for not letting him see
    It's always about you and never about me
    Told you that I'm insecure but you don't care to think

    So let me just take off all my clothes
    Even if I'm uncomfortable
    'Cause I feel like you won't love me if I don't
    And let me just show you who I am
    Even if that's not what I planned
    'Cause you know that I can't let you go

    Or maybe if you knew how I felt
    We wouldn't be stuck in this dilemma
    They say things will get better
    But now it feels like never
    And maybe if you knew what you did
    You'd realize you tore my world apart
    You knew just how you used me
    You played me from the start

    I've never had the strength to tell you to stop
    Or maybe if I did you'd realize I'm not
    Just someone you can use, boy how would you know?
    'Cause you know that you're selfish, no shame to let it show}
    ~manipulation

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    In the back of beyond

    Left in this deafening silence
    Don't make a sin out of me
    Secrets of this unseen violence ,born as if bred for tragedy...
    Taken by these shadows and tucked away behind the walls
    No-one hears my echoes in these halls
    Cries of desperate isolation
    Darkness is comfort when the daylight is pain
    I bleed inside but no-one ever sees the stain
    Giving up on search and rescue
    When your existence is you don't exist
    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 8w

    Sometimes grief and love taste the same ,like hope,the empty dreams and possibilities that just didn't come to fruition....
    when plagued by incessant possibilities of what it could have been ,life coasts by unaware . Sometimes I wonder if i had ounces of courage and asked you to stay , would you have? Would my life be different or the same?
    Love is perhaps the most unimaginable question and answer of life . I remember the way you taste,the sound of your heartbeats ,the weight of your palm in mine ,your fingers tracing my arms ,the way you laugh , the way you held me ,the way you said my name,the way you made me feel,the way I loved you and the way you loved. I remember Fallin in love head first,with no barriers ,where every part of me was torn open for you to peruse,where the parts where you hurt me only knew to love you . Now, I don't love the same , a part of always holds back, a little afraid and maybe hesitant ,now love is different and loving is different.
    Goodbye is now a prelude, interlude and a crescendo .
    Sometimes when I think about love , I don't know if it's better to be loved unconditionally or to be loved like it is the last time you will ever be with them. Maybe love is the strangest thing I ever tasted and your name on my lips the bittersweet memory that captured a lifetime. In this universe my love should be buried in a corner,to be forgotten . In spite of it all , we were an unforgettable beautiful interlude called love.....


    @miraquill
    @writersnetwork

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    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 8w

    You cannot fix the people you love. You cannot heal them . They have to do that on their own. And if someone isn't showing up for that healing , if they are content with having you hold them together ,then that will only ever ruin you. You were not put into this world to fix people who do not want to be fixed . It is okay to walk away from relationship that requires you to do so .
    Walking away to refuel urself , giving your heart a Break , allowing it to be yours and yours only. Allowing for the love you soo compassionately poured into another human being to poured back into yourself - that is something you need to forgive yourself for . I mean ,no one really know why we love the person we do . But then why do we do it? Maybe because we are driven .Maybe a bit insecure .we get into things when we are young and because we think they mean something . And then we find out they don't . I guess what's left is to enjoy the absurdity of our world....✨
    © Roshni Sharma




    @writersnetwork
    @miraquill

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    Acknowledging change and growing apart.

    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 10w

    I don't actively miss you.

    I don't actively miss you, but you do pop up in my head once or twice a day, especially when I am alone, having conversations with myself that I used to have with you.

    I have substituted your presence with an entire list - people that take me to my happy place better than you ever could - yet there are times I want those people to melt together and become you, so I can sit down with you once more and laugh.

    I don't actively miss you, but a random color or shape sometimes takes me back to arguments had on rooftops where we were closer to the sky, which we sometimes pretended was still water that we just liked to stare at.

    I remember when you told me, while gazing at the stars, what life meant to you, and in the same breath, told me he was a boy with black hairs and glittery skin.

    I don't actively miss you, but I do pay extra attention when your name comes up in a chat. The faux nonchalance with which I inquire after you is transparent enough to show the tiny space you still hold in my heart.

    That place which I try to pretend does not exist because I try to convince myself that I don't love you. Not anymore.

    And how could I? Loving you would mean I miss you every second of every day, but I don't.

    I don't actively miss you.


    @miraquill
    @writesnetwork

    #missyaidiot

    P.s.: It was written seven months ago & was preserved safely in my diary , having a look at it again did brought old memories back...

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    Let's stop pretending

    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 10w

    Clover it's your birthday today
    and
    I've washed a pink coat I want
    to join you so bad
    With polka balloons from beside the drain
    and filthy socks from the rain
    I have brought you a rose from beside the second pothole
    from the electric pole
    I'd want to show you the Vincent's stars reflecting on them,
    you know beside my place there's a lamb slaughterhouse and the air smells sweetly of blood all the time,
    last day I felt that the smell
    originated from me,
    my hands.

    Clover even if it's not your birthday today
    and
    I want to join you so bad
    I've decided to buy cakes from the closed bakery
    and cheese from the rats that dine there.
    Clover
    I've named all the stars in the sky clover
    And have bought streamers that jingle as colourful and sweetly as you do.
    From my terrace I can watch the graves the one with the potted lavenders is yours,
    Clover I know you can watch me too.
    From the ledge I'll go down
    and in a swoosh, reach your town
    the neighbors might say the colours from my open skull has drowned the Vincent's stars
    trapped in a pothole
    even in mangled bones I'll call out,
    " Clover, Clover I've named all the stars in the sky clover and now I don't know which one is clover."
    Clover,
    It's not your birthday today or is it.
    And I want to join you so bad.

    @miraquill
    @writersnetwork

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    ©roshnisharma

  • roshnisharma 10w

    And you tried to change, didn't you? Closed your mouth more .. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile , less awake ... You can't make homes out of human beings . Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave,then let him leave.. You are terrifying and strange ,& beautiful....Something not everyone knows how to love...
    ©roshnisharma