rukhsana

tearsofchainedwords.wordpress.com

A firefly An INTJ that apparently likes poetry.

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  • rukhsana 89w

    Note to self

    Embracing your body is not hating it
    Until you've reached the destination.
    Its accepting and loving it throughout the journey.
    Remember, for venturing out on the journey
    Was your destination once.
    ©tigresslionheart

  • rukhsana 90w

    (I used my real name (Rukhsana) for this because this is something that's personal. I've been battling anxiety ever since I was like 11 I think. I remember having my first panic attack. This is about anxiety, depression and insecurities)

    @writersnetwork @mirakee @readwriteunite #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression

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    I feel tired
    I feel tired of sighing
    My lungs feel crushed
    By the weight of my own body
    I feel heavy, most days I just feel numb
    You're sitting on my back
    With your arms strangling my neck
    And you keep telling me
    Soon, I'm going to run out of breath
    You tell me of all the things
    That could go wrong
    Of all things,
    That people will judge me for
    For smiling, for laughing,
    For breathing, for existing
    You make me feel paralysed
    And my soul is tired
    Why won't you let go?
    My tears only add to your desire
    To point out my flaws
    Of which I'm excruciatingly aware
    So much so, I feel discomfort
    In the realm my soul dwells
    The ground sinks beneath my feet
    The universe is collapsing on me
    Do I not deserve to exist?
    To exist without feeling numb in agony
    I wish to breathe
    To breathe, to smile, to laugh
    And I'm tired of your "what if"s
    Asking me what if they notice all my flaws
    I want to run away, cover my ears
    But how do you run from your own feet
    Tell me how do you escape
    Escape from your own thoughts' screams?
    I'm not okay, I'm not okay
    Listen to me, I'm begging
    I'm a woman possessed
    Tortured by my own voice that's drowning me
    All the sighs, all the breaths I heave
    Only deepens the cracks on my soul
    I feel like I'm letting go, watch my world burn
    Maybe it's time to let the credits roll
    I'm tired
    I'm tired of dragging this body
    And maybe this is all for nothing
    But I can't stop, not with this numbness that won't let me sleep
    And after all this punishment
    God has to do some answering.
    -Rukhsana

  • rukhsana 93w

    I'm grateful I reminded
    Myself that I've seen people like you before
    People that crash my walls down
    And leave come morn
    The truth is, you never weren't the one
    That brought them down
    I let you in, to test how long you'll last
    And in setting my trap for you
    I admit, the poucher was caught
    It was fun chasing you
    And you had fun draining me
    I gave pieces of myself
    And in return, you filled your belly
    And left
    I don't regret it, the moments,
    Our meeting, none of it
    Its bittersweet to go back to
    How it all used to be
    To keep my thoughts to myself
    Without you to hold them tenderly
    I don't feel empty,
    I'll grow branches new
    I don't feel alone
    I have myself for me to hold
    I do miss you
    In moments of joy and sadness
    I do feel confused, conflicted
    But I'll grow roots even deeper
    You taught me to keep my doors open
    For the next wolf hop in
    And maybe the next one will stay longer
    Or a little sooner leave
    It's all the same to me
    For all the universe has taught me
    Nothing ever last forever
    But it's forever hidden in moments
    Of shared happiness and even suffering.



    #writersnetwork #pod @mirakee @mirakeeworld @readwriteunite @writersnetwork

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    For all the universe has taught me
    Nothing ever last forever
    But it's forever hidden in moments
    Of shared happiness and even suffering.

    -A firefly

  • rukhsana 148w

    If I shed my skin
    Bare the stones within
    Promise to embrace me still
    For my scarred, tar black heart
    Is cursed with
    The intoxicating memory
    Of your warmth.
    ©A Firefly

  • rukhsana 152w

    I'm not afraid of you,
    I've held you in my arms some eons ago
    Yet you still keep coming back to me
    Like a child cursed, lost and
    No one wants to find you
    Lay bare your chest and
    I'll lull you to sleep like you've done to me
    I'm not afraid of you, solitude
    But I'm no less cruel than the ones
    Who locked you in the corners of their hearts
    To be afraid, I must feel,
    Forgive me, for I'm not afraid of you.
    ©Firefly

  • rukhsana 156w

    .

  • rukhsana 156w

    I'm the avalanche
    Hidden in the breath of spring
    Piercing shards of warmth.

    ©tigresslionheart

  • rukhsana 156w

    I'm slipping
    Into the cracks of darkness
    Darling, hold me but soft
    For fragile I am, I'm not insane yet
    Running from a ravaged truth' clutches

    In this pit of your heart
    That doesn't cease to churn
    I'm but a minor chord
    I struck as not a wave
    A rippleless drop, I'm not to be yearned

    Dearest, forget me, not with tears shed
    For I'm a euphoria maddened
    But leave the black Lilies
    In the barren fields of your heart
    For the stillborn love we had

    You were my dearest poison
    I bore holes dripping down your chest
    Hold me one last time we'll become a supernova
    A destruction so beautiful,
    We're a cathedral of corrupted angels.

    -A Firefly

    #writersnetwork #readwriteunite #mirakee #pod @writersnetwork @readwriteunite @mirakee

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  • rukhsana 156w

    I'm lost among the horrid tales
    Where the cumbersomely fabricated reality,
    Don't feast on the bones the time;
    In the land in the shape of dreams,
    I lazily drift into serene insanity;
    I'm still the anomaly,
    In this world stranger to gravity,
    Where shadows speaks through the light,
    And air whispers a devilish grin,
    My heart is still under it's chains' scrutiny;
    The constellations above offended,
    I'm a being of dirt with its body starred,
    Melancholy accompanies me come aurora,
    Hope walks with me through my moonlight' graveyard
    I'm a being imagination disregards;
    In a land in the shape of dreams,
    Euclidean has failed me,
    I'm still lost in these realities' fabrication,
    Hold my head, and let me bleed insanity,
    Let me speak in rhythms of heartbeat and march to my voice,
    As I'm delivered from perfection.

    -A firefly




    #writersnetwork #readwriteunite #mirakee #pod @writersnetwork @mirakee @readwriteunite

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    I'm still lost in these realities' fabrication,
    Hold my head, and let me bleed insanity,
    Let me speak in rhythms of heartbeat and march to my voice,
    As I'm delivered from perfection.

    (Read caption)

  • rukhsana 166w

    .