intensely awkward artist/cellist��17yrs instagram sage_raingirl

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  • sage_theraingirl 10w


    Setting the horizon on fire
    The edges curling with my spine
    And my twisted breath
    Why are you here
    Living on the edge of my sight
    Why can't you let me breathe
    And live without your eyes
    You haunt him now
    I'm sure you'd be glad to learn
    You have a legacy of crying people
    Because you chose to ignore the word No
    I'd begun to fill in the ache in my chest
    When he kissed me and fell
    Afraid to be the next
    He was scared of being you
    With your steady gaze and bruising fingers
    I had to wipe away tears
    That years ago should have been yours
    Forgiveness is hard
    When forgiving for yourself
    But when you made him break for that moment
    Forgiving fell hard
    To the back of my mind and far from you
    I wanted to break you so you'd feel it too
    Trauma aching deep in your bones
    Lacing your words and coating your home
    Make you flinch from your lover's hand
    And refuse loving touch
    It wouldn't matter who reached out to you
    The only face you would see is mine
    If you would just leave me alone
    And let me heal
    I'm trying to reconcile with the wounds you dealt
    Forgive seventy times seven
    But I will never forget
    The look in your eyes as you
    Told me to be quiet, lay down and like it

  • sage_theraingirl 152w

    Pain feels similar to crying
    And not in the way you think I mean
    I mean how the tears well up hot and forceful
    Desperate to jump off your lashes
    And streak down the slope of your cheek
    But as they fall, they cool, they slow down
    Leaving a trail of salt behind them
    Finally, they stop at your jaw
    Cold, stationary, no longer feeling the rush of anger or the salty burn of hurting
    And then they fall, just like that
    Gone from your skin and your soul
    And hands reach up and wipe their trail from your face
    And say itll be okay

  • sage_theraingirl 169w

    I have never known violence greater than the words that come out of my throat and bounce off the mirror onto my skin if you could see the vocabulary I use to describe myself you would tie me to a mast and set the ship on fire in a sea of my own disguised sanity because my mouth has summoned demons and eaten them willingly with a fork and knife and my stomach has stretched over the years to fit so many poisons I am immune to all but my own deadly thoughts that I place on my tongue like sugar but it doesnt dissolve it destroys drying up my mouth with salt crystal tears
    my lungs are smoker black from inhaling these words daily so that every compliment gets stuck in the tar lining my teeth and my hands can never wrench them free when I was little I used to jump off the porch of my grandmother's house into the dandelions my voice bright white convinced I had wings sprouting from my spine but now I trace my back in a mirror and the cracked spine of a book bent too far too many times my ribs etched with notches of every finger that has ever wrenched open my chest looked at my blackened insides and left me open face down with a dog eared page marking where they left me and this pain travels down my hamstrings to the heels of my feet that are so calloused from walking on fire I set myself that I cant feel the feather light touch of a compliment
    Yet here I am
    Despite the poison tar cracks and flame I am here learning to love my bent spine like a well loved book with that highlighted quote from middle school i can never quite forget and i paint flowers on my ribcage turning my chest into a flowerpot the roots slowing loosening the tar's hold on me I breathe through my best friends mouth and receive purified air filling my tired lungs and relaxing my shoulders wound tight from gasping I am learning that you can sit and rest instead of sprinting till your feet bleed and the race wont finish without you it will wait because its your race and you are the only runner so relax I am learning to lean into mouths that touch my forehead before my hips and whose hands offer me real sugar and help shovel away the salt
    I am learning all of these things
    And I will survive myself

  • sage_theraingirl 175w

    You know how when you cry
    The tear wells up hot
    A liquid flame beading up
    On your eyelashes
    Until it leans too far over
    And hurtles over your cheek
    Growing cold
    Leaving you just a bit more
    Frozen than before

  • sage_theraingirl 177w

    Beautiful Boy, Awful Tune

    He can't sing
    His voice sounds like an anxious goose
    And he knows it
    Yet he would sing in an opera house
    To make me smile
    Even just for a moment
    Because he says to this day
    I am worth any amount of embarrassment
    For he knows I'll stand onstage with him
    Every time, hand in hand
    Listening as though he were Beethoven reincarnate

  • sage_theraingirl 177w

    I can think of nothing more perfect to hear
    Than when you're half asleep in his arms
    And he kisses your hair
    Whispering thank you to God
    That we found each other

  • sage_theraingirl 178w

    A new style for me��

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    I trudge through the icy mist
    Plundering the heiress flowers
    Of their early dew pearls
    The sun has barely edged her way
    Over the bleak horizon
    And still the birds whistle like workers
    Mining through the thick fog
    The sky still littered with stars
    Twinkling like the ceiling of a diamond shaft
    I breathe heavily
    Trying to draw in any courage I can
    From the swallows and starlings
    Diving and swirling above my head
    The longsword my father forged
    Sways and bounces at my hip
    As if to urge me on further
    Into the blue-black thicket
    That sprawled in front of me
    Like the unwelcoming arms
    Of a traitor

  • sage_theraingirl 178w


    All these people in black
    Whispering in my dad's ear
    Saying 'I'm so sorry' and
    Whispering to each other
    'If only the meds had worked'
    And my dad's pocket
    Leaden with the temptation of escape
    Seem to drag behind him
    His fingers clicking the safety on and off
    And I'm the only one who almost trips
    Over those heavy cotton weights
    I catch a glare for squeaking my shoe
    And look at the ugly little thing
    Squirming in my fist
    And I stuff that little brown glare
    Down my lacy sock to save for later
    I walk under a wall of condolences
    And stand on the tips of my Mary Jane's
    My hands braced against the ebony box
    I close my eyes
    And pretend mama's face is made of wax
    And shes gonna hide in that box
    From the awfully hot sun
    So that her pretty face doesn't melt
    But when I squint them open
    Shes still waxy
    But the stomach-turning kind
    Like if you touched her
    Her delicate painted cheeks would cave in
    Like paper thin porcelain
    And I can see her in those blue eyes
    Birds crying for their lost mother
    And grass rustling to their fallen companions

  • sage_theraingirl 178w

    My Lit teacher sparked the idea to write a love letter inspired by love letters written in the 1800s, here is mine based on me and my boy's relationship��

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    A love letter

    Never despair that I do not love you deeply as my own heart. The more I have known you, the more I have loved you, and the more I shall love you still. You leave me with a sense of newness, every touch, every word, every kiss, even brighter and more exquisite, in the way every sunrise is more beautiful than the last, yet every rise is perfectly crafted by God himself. And you have taken my night and pulled back the darkness to remind me of my stars. How high my heart soars knowing you love me in return. I yearn to paint you, yet there are no colors worthy to capture my adoration of you. I miss you, in a simple, desperate, human way. I long to feel your heart under my hand, that beat to which I sing silently to. It is one thing to turn abruptly from strangers to love, almost a crude handling. It is an entirely different matter to meander from stranger to friend, and then to love, as we have done. I believe our meanderings were as bound as a river leading to an ocean, as my love for you could easily be as deep as those waters, and just as much of an adventure.
    Forever mine, ever yours, xxxx

  • sage_theraingirl 178w

    My toes curl harder over the edge of the bricks
    Blood starts pumping out of my feet
    Tiny metallic riverlets
    When I was young I'd lap it off my skin
    Because I was too in love with life to stop and clean it off properly
    But I dont feel it now, the blood I mean
    I watch the little drops trace the ridges in the rock
    And drop down to drown
    You used to trace the curves of me like that
    Leave little red trails down my back
    When I still had curves
    I nervously twirl a lank curl between my thumb and index
    Then I jerk and sent the bloody-ended lock sailing over the ledge I stand on
    To land on the still water below like a sea serpent
    Ominiusly weaving over the currents
    A pink surrender flag on a blonde ship