I know, it's long enough to scroll But I just wanted to write this story. And also it's a piece of fiction. ------------------------------------------
College fest sometimes can be really exhausting. From past three-four days, I've been really busy with these event stuffs, but my favourite part is yet to come. I've always been an outgoing person and love parties, and after parties have always been my thing.
I was in a cab continuously scrolling my instagram solely to ignore traffic peeping outside. My phone vibrated, "I can't attend the party, Sakshi. I gotta go for some urgent work", my friend uttered from other side. This made me more exhausted then. Ah! finally, I reached to the place after one hour straight. There were many familiar faces, but no one to commence a conversation with. So, I decided to enjoy my own. I don't know, what sort of trouble was revolving within me, but peculiarly I wasn't enjoying at all. I went to have a glass of wine and glared over the crowd, "Ugh! How exasperating", I mumbled, which again was few and far between. Rolling my eyes off, I preferred silence. I moved towards the balcony area to respire fresh breath. While gazing aloft in the dark sky enshrouded with myriad stars, I caught a sight of a man, who was beholding the sky with much affection. "These stars entail numerous stories, right", I said. "Secrets too", he replied. "They imprison us betwixt pain and pretentious happiness, yet holds something that seems akin treasure, I am Abhimanyu and you? "That something is a relief to gloomy sombre, well, Sakshi Agrahari", I responded.
He was quiet impressive and mysterious. I got utmost curosity inside, but had to be sophisticated. "I shall leave now", I said. Mind having a short walk or cab is more better to you? He chuckled. Walking is healthy, I guess, I said.
We walked streets to streets and he seemed to be more mysterious and an open book simultaneously. He was opening up so much of his heart yet something was hidden inside. And that depicted an amazing charm over his face. I gazed over his face out of astonishment. "Staring at the thing you like", he chuckled. 'Shut up', I denied.
We had a long conversation from his likes and dislikes to all the things he is aiming for. Amidst all the chit-chats, he kept adoring the dark sky and complaining about the stars. "Everyone focuses on stars but what with that dark sky?, he said. Can you elaborate a bit, I asked. Let it be, he replied.
Who says girls are not easy to understand, I mean just look at this guy. It was 2:00 am and I neither was bored of his philosophies nor his fascination. He kept adding some philosophical aspects between all his flirtious and amusing words.
'Icecream', I uttered. He ran with more excitement to have it. "A happy soul", I thought to myself. While relishing my icecream I caught him staring at me. "Staring at the thing you like? I chuckled. Nah! he replied with a smile.
It was 3:30am now, and we were standing in front of my house. "It was nice meeting you, Abhimanyu. Hope to see you soon", I said. "It was an amazing meeting with anyone, Sakshi. Can I...Can I just hug you? he asked. Sure, I replied. And we hugged each other, like there's nothing beyond, not even a tiny space. Then he uttered bye with a line "Do you really have no idea, who actually I am? Is it that important to know? I asked. "You really living beneath the rock", he said. 'Mountains may be', I chuckled. Then he left the place.
It had been five days since then, I had no clue about that guy. I didn't even tried to espy until I came across an article about a billionaire couple getting divorced. Article says:
"This weekend, billionaire couple Ajay Kapoor and Shriya Kapoor announced their seperation after long 35 years of marriage. Life is a journey and it holds lots of ups and downs, with this we've mutually decided to put off the formalization of marriage, statement by Ajay Kapoor. Their single child, Mr. Abhimanyu Kapoor denied facing media and decided to isolate himself after giving an statement "They must have done this way before, I don't know what stopped them for this 35 years. Well, it's there matter, better interview them".
The guy who felt happy soul to me, had lots of agony burried inside. Having huge crowd around, yet that feeling of being left alone, is really traumatic both physically and mentally. I was able to feel his all pains now. I did understood all the philosophies of that night. I wanted to meet him, but had no address to reach him. During deep thoughts of balancing life, out of sudden a voice shrieking my name reached my ears. I went to balcony and there was he, Abhimanyu Kapoor. I called him up and that day he spoke his heart out. He shared all his pain he anguished and how he felt like orphan after having both the parents, since childhood. He enunciated all situations where he found ending life more easy. "Money can't buy all the happiness", he said. Ofcourse, I replied.
Then he disclosed that he is shifting to US for lifetime, as he have some future plans. And he wanted to meet me for the last time and wanted to share every bit of his life. I took a promise from him, to just give a phone call, whenever thought of ending life comes near his head. He left the place with smile on his face.
Till today, we are in talking terms and I yet like his amusing philosophies and secrets of dark sky.
I wonder, if nights are just holding grudges on me, or it's unforgiving to you, too. I always believe in philosophies and in grabbing positive drifts. I concur on being me, the better me to bliss. But, when it comes to you I lose that me, within me. My eyes keep revering those brown eyes which, evinces charm on your face. All the patterns and theories of letting go begins being so vague. You ain't here with me And, I guess You never will. Ahh, ofcourse that smile arc is constant with me, all the day. But this unsaid goodbye makes me sob. I sob harder, as nights still haunt me anyway. I try deflecting all the deplore out of me, by frantically craving sleep. As sleep is the only escape, Escape from the entire 'you'. Then morning sun arises, entailing novice hopes but I keep sleeping. Yes I do. I discern, souvenir won't set me free. Waking up will again bring 'you' to me.
Adrifting in eyeful dream I leer in your eyes. Ardent to walk with you, for my entire life. This life we two live, at same time Allbeit, disparate phases. Just like reading of same book But different pages. Solely if one could slow down, And the other could stride up Someday may be You never know, We could be together. Together, On the same text Escapading the same, Vivid elucidation and Wider panaroma Thereupon, We would read We would walk We would utter the identical line Utterly aligned. schriftsteller_sakshi #pod@writersnetwork@mirakee
Two humans 1 soul Seven births of love Death for death One alive one dead.
Thursday morning over the stained sofa I sit in white , there is grief sitting on the corner of my lips, and I sit naked to let it barge out of me Hands pass down my back passing a nudge of hope and she slips right away, everytime.
My eyes red and hands shivering grey. He stopped breathing, he stopped all of a sudden and once for all. No more beeps of the ventilator and no more money for oxygen . No more tears to flow, no more smiles my way. No more rainbows for me , no more red flowers from him. No more bangles for you my mother says, And no more colours either. No more colours to my lips and no more attempt of being fair. A black woman for a black man. And white for white, But what's left for girl like me whose womanhood is lost and is dressed under coats of blue Do you paint me black again or do you paint me grey the colour of his ash?
a famished gust of breeze heaves; the storm-tainted city limps on the cusp of collapse; now veiled, then crumbled.
the willow shivers down to the runnel of his spine, combed-out branches hanging wobbly along its sides; the rasp of a grated wood; under a frosty fete of insensate fury, the white jasmine nestles closer to the moonlight-coloured May; laying her head on the nook of its nape; the wild rose and ivy serpentine, bereft of warmth in a balm-less dusk, quiver - an ambush of avowals; an ardent discourse of roofless mouths.
an October night dismembered across its seams; unravelled lie the threads of a fractured memory.
A jaded discord betwixt the mist and the mud, the stifled sky of June fondles the bruised face of the moon in her undulated palms, sullen, shrivelled like the wings of a limb-less moth; dangling weary over the soil, above the rhythmic sway of trees - stroked with olive and bottle-green; dotting the moor like obelisks.
a wilting flower droops tired on the face of the wet gravid; a rusty infloresence; before I crouch on my knees and prune the grey-beige petals apart; carrying the iris into your room, I place it into a lukewarm tumbler; in an aura of uncanny unicity, we solemize; kindled by the blaze of the sun. you hold my hand against the coarse-grained fabric of your flannel;
"Do wilted flowers reincarnate?"
A veil of soot laid bare on the ivory of the wood; I caress your forehead, shrouded with auburn tufts of dishevelled hair; withering underneath my reverent fingers; the litany of loss; a battered rosary of breaths.
yet on your mouth, a smile. faint, lopsided; a feeble rustle in the woods; a leaf quivering in timority; a patient misgiving before it unfurls, a palm at the freshly laundered azure;
And I take it.
"If we give them time," a gentle reverberation; a silver resonance embroidered on the hem of the gust, a fragrant redolence.
A cold gush of rain, the rasp of a grated wood. I lay my head against the polished mahogany; embalming a memoir of melancholia; a pungent stench strewn across the pavement; jasmine crushed under departing feet; the aftertaste of bitter almonds on a baked tongue, this sorrow; in abysmal viridity, the cedar weeps; a brumous sky disembodied over the sway of trees; olive, bottle-green, crimson.
In an October night being torn across its seams, an impoverished wind pulsates; unravelling the thread of a fractured memory, I pull the cashmere shawl over my drooping shoulders; wilting; only unakin a tired stalk on the gravel; rather a severed stem; an ignominious denudation; this grief - an amputation.
A string of staccoted steps, he loiters into the room toward me; toused strands of hair falling off his shoulders, splinters of fire; I crouch on my knees to embrace him when I see it - a blossom cradled in his hands; wet, glistening waxy petals, amaranthine deepening at the edges; on his mouth a smile - faint, lopsided;
"What do we call this flower that blooms all over the moor?"
a feeble crinkle in the woods; a tremulous leaf unfurling like a palm;
And I take it.
- Kainat // of the choice-less hope in grief _____________________________________
i) "moonlight-coloured May and ivy serpentine," - Shelley's The Question. ii) "jasmine crushed under departing feet," - Agha Shahid Ali. _____________________________________
Ps-Salvator Mundi(Latin for Saviour of the World) is a painting by Leonardo da Vinci subject in iconography depicting Christ with his right hand raised in blessing and his left hand holding an orb and represents heaven.
Perhaps you were right when you said that I won't be able to catch you when you fall. You are old, wrinkled and thin, you are fifty five and you keep dozens of medicines on the bed table, you walk slowly and stand with support but you know what, you are still too heavy. Your bones are stuffed with kilograms of anger and pride. All of my spring had died beneath the weight of those fickle emotions.
Did you let me live enough to save you from dying?
Perhaps you were right when you said that I won't be able to catch you when you fall.
To Captain Levi, How are you doing?? Should I be more formal.. I really don't know "cause after all I'm writing this letter to the strongest soldier of humanity.. I'm a little bit tensed thinking about how are you going to react and all!!! By the way, how are you?? Hope, you're doing good. What about everyone.. how are they doing?? And yeah, is Mikasa allright? I want to give her a tight hug so much... Captain!! I don't know how to put this but I really want to seee Eren again.. not only Eren but Commander Erwin, Hange, Moblit, your old squad and my potato girl Sasha also.. I want to see everyone who fought and devoted their lives for the sake of humanity. I know it must've been very hard for you to overcome the agony you've felt.. but after all of these incidents you always stood strong and gave your all. You suffered, but suffered alone.. nobody saw you crying or regretting over the deaths of your comrades. You lost everyone you hold dear to your heart.. first your mother, then your old squad, then Kenny, Commander Erwin, Hange everyone.. but you never broke down. Just for a moment when you smiled.. not going to lie that was the most beautiful and rarest smile I've ever seen. When you smiled, I smiled with you! That smile made me so happy.. for real!! And also, you did keep your words to Commander Erwin; you tried and failed, tried again and failed but finally you did it.. that's why they seem to be happy at the last moment. I wish I could do the same thing, when it comes to keep my words but sometimes I really can't be able to keep my words!! And, when the war finally came to an end you shed a drop of tear, it made me sad and relieved at the same time. I still can't get over that moment yet.. I really wish that I could get a chance to meet you in person because I want you to teach me how to stay strong both physically and emotionally, how to stay calm in the most unexpected and toughest situations. I really want this to happen!! After having such bad and serious injuries, you still fought with all your might and now you're finally free!! You neither had a pleasant childhood nor experienced any pleasant moment... but you never chose the wrong path. You lost everyone but you carried out their wishes and fight.. yes Captain, you did great!! I've learnt so many things from you, so many things.. seeing you well in the end and in good hands.. makes me happy! Now it's your time to take rest.. because after all the worst case scenarios you're happy!! Perhaps not in the way you deserve, because life isn't fair always. I wish you all the good luck and happiness!! I don't want you to lose another single person you care about. Stay well captain!! You're the strongest person I know. The man who taught me what devotion, courage and love for others mean. The man who taught me to stay strong and live my life with no regrets. Thank you. I will love you, forever!!
From, A girl, who admires you the most
An open letter to my favourite character Levi Ackerman from Attack on Titan ( Shingeki No Kyojin by Hajime Isayama). I've put everything in this letter. Hope you guys will like it. Thank you very much.❤