Hey diary!!! I am back. And I need to tell you a lot of things today. Well, as you know....this lockdown is eating me alive...like, literally. My day begins with the same old boring books.....and I have no idea of how long I'll have to study because my exam has been postponed till God knows when. Thank God that I have you.....atleast I have someone to listen to my rants. Who else would I speak to????...you know....mom always tells me to speak less and study more. And dad....well........forget about it......too busy with his studies. You know....I really don't get it how my parents could be so serious...I mean...just look at me...isn't it good to be crazy and talkative?? Well.....I did something super crazy today. Its 11th June, remember???..I have been celebrating this day as my 'break up anniversary' since 2016...and why not???...I had got rid of a toxic relationship on this very day. You remember...how much I had cried the day he broke my heart. I felt helpless...clueless.....I was so blinded that I couldn't even realise that he had been unfaithful....I had so much trusted his lies...his fakeness. I had my ENT practical exam the next day, and that one text from him ruined everything. You know it...right???....how much I had been in depression....how much I had lost my sleep and appetite. I never knew I would survive...that I would grow up to be a better, stronger version. But here I am......happily looking back at that day, and being glad that it had happened. Well...I guess everything happens for a reason. Okay...so coming back to...what was I saying, by the way??...oh!!...yes...listen...I actually did something crazy. You remember how I had always celebrated this day by taking myself out on solo dates??..last year lockdown, I wasn't able to go out...and I had ended up posting an entire story on Mirakee....that is where I had made two of my favourite friends @_create_23 and @shrey2310 when they had read and commented on my write up titled as 'That Day...' and....OMG!!! It means its our first friendship anniversary too...woww!! Well, this year, it was pretty boring. I couldnot go out yet again. Writing seemed to be a boring idea...I mean...I wanted something fun...something adventurous...and guess what, I texted my ex. I had always wanted this, but I never had the guts, but today...I can't believe this...but I had pinged him, wishing him a happy breakup anniversary. Of course he didnot reply, but then, who cares anyway. I am feeling like doing a mini disco in my room...like...SERIOUSLY....did I really do something as crazy as this???...six years back, I had no idea that I would be writing something like this. I guess that is life, isn't it??...you never know. Well, now if I start writing about life, all those philosophies and stuffs, I'll end up writing another long page. I guess I need to stop here. Its already late, and I have to go to sleep though I'm so excited that I doubt if sleep will visit me tonight...hehee!! Good night, diary!! See you tomorrow..... Love you, Muuuaaahhh!!! Soumita (your crazy best friend)
//Realisation and Poetries// It was a day in this monsoon, it was drizzling and the clouds were grey enough to be adored just like some poems are, poignant yet beautiful. I sat under the shed of the bus stop, a bag hung on my shoulders and holding responsibilities on my chest, there was my specs which would slip down my nose everytime I'd lift up and of course the mask did add up to my small musings, I exhale and then my world turns foggy. I was there waiting for the bus and I was there to stop for a while.
The lovely grey sky and wait why lovely? Well dark poems often serves you with the contentment of not being alone, suffering in this not-so-unique world and hey let's talk about hope even, haven't you realised that things come in when your hope dies, hopelessness arrives? Like some hundred or thousand examples I remember, this grey sky is also lovely that drizzles pearls from the sky that has made the whole world stop for a while, stiff in their place and as I always say, to stop isn't to lose you remember it, don't you?
So just like any other human, i was there sitting and indeed, waiting to jump in the continuum of life again but then little things does make a difference in life like some one-liners or some small haikus, saying nothing yet delivering enough for you to enjoy your day. I enjoyed the weather but more than that I enjoyed these drizzles turning into squall, you know those "Toofan ki pehle wali shanti", haha. I realised how things can turn from one to other just in few seconds, just in a blink and that changes everything, isn't it? The people who walked, ran to find a shelter and the cars that stood in the parking area, with the people feeding on some delicacies, started to run away. And why was it fun to watch this peace turn to disaster? There exist some lame answers that I hear it from people which goes like,
"Its only after a horrendous, life threatening war do we realise, how peace and harmony would've made it better than the guns and fighting arms"
Sometimes war often brings peace, isn't it? Haha, gross. But then this horrifying rain is still fun because its nature where the peaceful rain turns to disaster and why not? People stay where they're valued so why not this drizzle? But anyways, my realisations can be good, can be bad. I'm just another human trying to write after all
Oh, my bus arrives! *Oh no you don't have to leave now, in the story further I'll end up losing the bus anyway* So here i was summing up all my realisations but then i finally realised how a life is a poetry. When those dark clouds showers, some haikus making a big difference or some big changes making small impact, i realised how life can be a poetry though not smooth enough like the flow of some poems but it sure can be like like every other poem, that ends and the writer must decide, you must decide if it will have an ending that'd end your thoughts there itself or will it live again in the thoughts of your reader.
These thoughts kept running and running in my head, interesting enough for me to finally keep my eyes on the bus leaving me alone in this bus stop and that's how things are, right? One second may change your life but then you can't change that one second to hours, you didn't get it, I know. You can never dwell on past and relive the moments, bringing the same bus, same bus stop, same people, same rain, I can feel them but that doesn't mean that I'll stop there, in that very moment of few minutes, for hours. To stop isn't to lose but then to stop just because you're afraid to go ahead, that's a loss, isn't it?
So here I am, stuck in my moment that I enjoyed and now I've to go home, walking down the street and this same pretty rain would get me drenched. But then I'm the writer, turning things upside down is something that I do.
Some poetries make you feel the moment you kept hidden in your heart after all greatest of things are felt in this world, not lived.
It's my first time to pen down something in the form of a story. It's a lengthy post so please bear with me. Appologies in advance
In the impenetrable woods of different species of flora and fauna enriched with the emotions of togetherness forming an ecosystem of jubilant life. The life was full of hues and joys relishing the events occuring in the god's magical creation. The sound of drizzling mixed with the chirping of birds and stimulating perfumes of the soaked earthy aroma carrying away with the zephyr in the evening made the environment heaven. But the change is inevitable and the wheel of time changes the paradises to dystopias. An extraneous tiny virus along with the zephyr of the external world entered this ecosystem to jab it's liveliness. The hefty trees turned dead soon and the whole wood filled with the mournful shreiks of the fauna. It was spreading like a pandemic from one end to the other. Eventually the despair was spreading hastely than the venomous destruction. In this crisis there were some angels in the woods who started deciphering the solutions to avoid this destruction and what they found was an aid which could filter out the virus before reaching inside the bodies of the lives of the woods. The question arised what material could be used and where to get it in abundant amount. Then the trees allowed to peel out their birch and everyone just bowed to them for this sacrifice. Soon, the aid was ready and the fauna used it to cover their nostrils and the juices from the medicinal trees was used to sparay on the trees to protect them from this posionous storm. Seeing this herculean task completed, even the god of rain also wanted to help them and yes it started the rain of the nectar and soon this deadly disease just vanished from the woods. The woods again filled with the chirping sounds of birds and perfumed zephyr of emotions and love.
Now, who are the heroes of this tale?? Not a single entity. Those angels are doctors fo real world, those trees are the people who are helping in any form as a Covid warriors and everyone who followed the rules to put that aid on heartly which is mask. So, if we will work together, we will surely uproot this disease from the earth and the God will help us and our woods (the world) will be again full of zephyr of love and prosperity and the melodious chirping of birds i.e. jouful chuckles of kids playing safely and freely in gardens.
Take precautions, put on a mask, stay positive, stay healthy, keep smiling and spread happiness
Eid Mubaraq to all of you May Allah fulfill all your dreams
Her small feet tried to catch the blurry shadows of my long legs. I then began to take longer steps because I knew she was playing to catch my shadow.
"Don't do that." I warned her with a pretty harsh tone.
She stopped there for a while and without even turning around, I knew that she must be wearing her cute innocent face with a tinge of dissapointment and expectations in her eyes but I didn't turn to see that. Because I knew, if I would, I would not be able to hide my love for her as my eyes would twinkle and my lips would stretch for a never ending smile. And when that moment will arrive, she will begin to read me like a book, turning pages full of dreams and possibilities where each chapter begins with me and ends with her.
But that isn't the part I fear, what I fear is what if the day I show the real me, she decides to not love me anymore. To the world, I am a strong, emotionless and complicated being, maybe she looks at me with the same eyes. And what if she gets to know that I hide my fears and desolation within me in the field of love and I am weaker than she is, would she love me the same? Will she?
I slowed down my steps and like always, she noticed. She recognised my steps which decreased by half an inch and continued following me, this time not stepping on my shadow but walking beside it. I loved when she did that, either strolling with it or above it, I didn't care until she was here near me. But I always said that I didn't like it because I knew that her hopes would dash into pits after knowing who I really am, weak. I didn't want her to know that I wasn't the charming man she thinks I am. I wanted her to remember me like the way the world thinks I am-stubborn, emotionless and rude. It was better than knowing that I was weak.
Once, I thought that maybe I was misleading her with my actions but my selfish heart and desire would never let me say it. Neither I would say that I love her nor I would run away from her, I wanted to stop the moment here, somewhere in the middle of where we were.
"Shall we sit here for sometime?" She said pointing out the chair near the streetlight.
She had never asked me this before but I still ignored instantaneously as a part of my habit. Who knew that one day, that ignorance of mine would carve regret in me.
I didn't want to steal all the love she had saved to offer but I didn't want to deceive her too. What if she says one day that she never loved the real me but the one who veils all his fatigue and tensions behind an emotionless introverted face. So, I had decided to bear as long as I could until receiving love poisons me to death.
She started to hum her favourite song in the sweetest voice she owned while following me from behind and interrupted herself, "By now, you should also know the song. Come on, sing with me."
"I hate songs." I whispered loud enough for her to hear.
Maybe she knew I lied as the sound of her giggle reached my ears. She continued singing and my heart started dancing on her hums for the 67th time on this street. Her apartment arrived and she twirled and took a slight jump in front of her building saying, "I am here. Bye. Goodnight."
I waved a bye with the same hand I was carrying the poly bag with which had icecreams for tonight and I continued to walk towards my home. Again I didn't look back preventing to lock my eyes with hers because I knew, if I would, there would be no turning back. I bought icecreams everyday at seven in the evening from the nearby grocery store because... After I came back, I gave those ice creams to the watchman of my apartment to relish those flavours of mint ice cream because...//
I typed it in the caption area of my social media account and saved it as a draft, deciding to never post it but keep it here concealing my feelings forever.
It was seven in the evening so, I walked down the same street to buy the mint flavoured ice cream. It had been a year I hadn't seen her and because I always ran away from her, I had zero clue about any contact details of hers. I had known her as a classmate and through the glances I stole when I followed her shadows. Yes, I had silently followed her shadows too. And now that it has been a long time, I expected that she has forgotten me too. Her love for me may have dissolved and she must be under a different streetlight being followed by a different shadow beside her. I think her absense made my heart grow fonder of her. I missed the way she chuckled, giggled, followed, hummed, stopped, waved, twirled. I missed everything about her but I wasn't sure if I would do the same if she follows me again.
I bought the ice creams and paced towards my home. As I was reaching near my building, I heard some footsteps following me, I did not turn. I slowed down my pace by half an inch once again. My heart wanted it to be her but my mind knew that it couldn't be her. All the memories of her presence flashed before my mind and after writing so much about that time, nostalgia and my feelings had become stronger. It was like my boundries were losing patience and my heart would erupt the sparkling lava of love as I see her in front of me.
I kept ambling with the various thoughts in my mind and before I knew, I started to hum the same song she did. My mind was convinced that it wasn't her behind me but my heart didn't want to turn around to check because it feared it would be her.
Swiftly, as I switched to the high note of the song almost breaking the rhythm, the melodious voice from behind continued it. It was her. I went numb for a second, my ears heated up and I could feel my cheeks burning with the fear of being caught in love, with HER. My feet stopped, I gazed at the road and contemplated my desire to be with her. Again, habitually I did not turn.
She stood in front of me leaving my shadow behind. I hid my soft sparkling tears of happiness and await. As I feared, the side of me which the world wasn't aware of was oozing out naturally in her presence. She didn't say a word, didn't ask even a single question about the ice cream in my hand at seven, about the tears in my eyes, about the song I hummed, nothing. She just grasped my hand and interlocked her fingers with me to continue ambling with me on the same street.
I sucked my tears and gulped down the reality down my throat.
"Ice cream." She said while asking for one.
She took out the mint ice cream from my polybag and exchanged it with the chocolate ice cream in her hand.
"You are allergic to mint, right?"
I partly nodded but I was startled how she knew it.
As we reached the chair under the streetlight, she asked like she did a year ago, "Shall we sit here for sometime?"
I hummed a yes and her beautiful smile accompanied my first yes to her.
She took out her phone and showed me the post I had saved in my drafts half an hour ago.
"How-? No- why is this here-?" I uttered in extreme shock with my ears burning up again.
"Exactly, how is it here? Were you trying to save it and rather posted it. By the way, I was trying to continue those dots. What do you think it could be?"
I bit my lips in reluctance.
"I bought icecreams everyday at seven in the evening from the nearby grocery store because...she came there at seven to buy them everyday for his younger brother. Is that right?" She read from the post and continued it.
"After I came back, I gave those ice creams to the watchman of my apartment to relish those flavours of mint ice cream because...I was allergic to mint and I bought them because she bought the same." She giggled after completing the sentences with the simplest words and understanding my complicated way of expressing love.
I finally left the cocoon of my false self and locked my eyes with hers for the first time, tightening the grasp of my hand with hers.
"I love the complete you." She whispered.
I am sure that my eyes which were red beholding every possible feeling of fear, uncertainty, desire to offer love and whatnot must have begun to sparkle with just love as hers conveyed comfort. Comfort that it was okay to be myself and she loves and accepts all of me. I think my heart really grew more fond of her as she left for a year, so fond that it handed me courage to confess my love, finally.
"Tonight's beautiful!" I said while observing at the curves and the edges of her face and the beauty of adore she held in her words.
I haven't read it after writing so, there maybe typos here. I will read it after sometime. A story after a long time and that too a romantic one, haha. For you, @_ashna_ and @human_alpha . I think you both liked reading the stories. I don't know if this is good enough but it really makes me so so happy when someone tries to read the stories I write because they are so precious to me.
Spring is here for the first time ever wearing a flowery tiara as winter has folded its sparkling snow blanket while the summer has bought tickets for next month. Here sits destiny, dressed in a camellia dress, wearing the petrichor perfume along with frozen sandles bidding goodbye to winter as spring blossoms the station with life.
Last year, regret, as recognised by monsoon was dressed in yellow, simple and sober with her exceptional beauty, consoling monsoon for months now, as he missed the deadline to meet August. Monsoon tore the sleeves she wore in anger, blaming her for his loss. Upon his act, he found that she was cold and white with dead leaves covering her deep scars and injuries. Regret took a step further, took a sigh of mixed emotions and rain turned into snow on her single touch. Regret felt weak on knees and fell over the soft snow. The snow swiftly covered her body with its blanket and her tears froze in silence. November had arrived, the reflection of rain had coincided with the silvery white shadow of winter. The glass of misunderstandings broke as winter and monsoon witnessed that it WASN'T regret but autumn freezing in melancholy of her existence. Winter kissed autumn over her yellow sleeves, hiding her frozen scars as monsoon hid in humiliation of only believing what he saw. Autumn promised that she would be back next year as it was not the death of her but the death of inexistent regret within her. Burning angst of the seasons called destiny to unfold and clear the blue skies to welcome spring from the heavens and poison misunderstandings with red roses, white poppies and mauna kea bearing flags of love, peace and patience respectively.
PS: Hope you all remember me! Juggle your memory, it's me _create_23! (You are welcome to the comment section if you still don't remember me) I'M STILL ON A BREAK (misunderstandings naa paale). Came here on a monthly visit since it had been so long. I miss you all! This may make zero sense but since this complicated story is here, will you read it?