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stilliam

Am I?

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  • stilliam 146w

    I ask you
    to look at the moon
    because it reminds me
    of you
    no, not because
    how damn beautiful it is
    just like you
    but because of its changing shades
    from orange to blood red
    yellow to golden
    white to black
    the moon goes through
    many colours
    changing night by night
    sometimes hour by hour
    like you go through phases
    sometimes just the best person
    sometimes just an usual girl
    sometimes a bit dark
    sometimes the brightest light
    sometimes the strongest
    sometimes the weakest
    but you see
    no matter what colour it reflects
    the moon is
    the best part of a night
    just like you're
    the best part of me
    ©stilliam
    // For my moon @saumyabadjatya

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    Moon And You.

    no matter what colour it reflects
    the moon is
    the best part of a night
    just like you're
    the best part of me
    ©stilliam

    4 12 Link
  • stilliam 190w

    Legends say, "You only fall in love once." And I couldn't agree more! But how is this possible? I, myself, fell in love twice. So, was my love for one fake?

    My first love was the darkness you get addicted to, while the second came like a ray of hope spreading light of inspiration in the darkest corners of my heart.

    My first love was like sitting in front of a bonfire on a winter night, enjoying with friends in the woods. Second one is like waking up in a house situated between mountains, feeling the cold breezes while standing on the balcony in a winter morning.

    My first love, It was an open act of emotions. I wanted to express everything I felt to her in every way I could. And the second one is a secret I kept from the world, a secret I kept from her too. She still doesn't know I love her.

    What I'm trying to say is that my first love was nothing like the last one. I love both of them differently. The legends were right, you can only fall in love once, because everytime you fall in love, it's a different kind of love.

    ©stilliam

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    Different Kind Of Love

    My first love, It was an open act of emotions. I wanted to express everything I felt to her in every way I could. And the second one is a secret I kept from the world, a secret I kept from her too. She still doesn't know I love her.

    ©stilliam

    10 8 Link
  • stilliam 198w

    The thing I fear the most happened.

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    Silence

    The silence between us isn't the same anymore.

    ©stilliam

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  • stilliam 214w

    Now when I look back, I think that the mistake wasn't all yours. I'm more to blame than you are.

    You never had feelings for me. And somewhere inside my heart, I knew about this. You always thought of me as your best friend.

    But still I kept imagining a life with you. A beautiful morning where we wake up together. A home where our future exists. A world where we need nothing but our love to survive.

    You never said you love me. I just assumed you do. I misinterpreted your care as a friend to your care as a lover.

    In 12 years of our friendship, I've never been wrong about you, but this one time, my feelings took over my senses and made me falsely believe that you love me.

    And then on one hell of a day, I confessed about my feelings. You became my partner because you knew it would make me happy. We were together for months. Then you left.

    Your leaving, hurt like someone just stabbed my heart with a broken glass and then started slowly moving it through my chest, piercing every inch of my tissue to its core and breaking my heart into infinite pieces.

    It hurt so bad because I lost my partner and my best friend at the same time. I always used to blame you for my situation. But now, I've realised that I'm more responsible for it than you are.

    I know why you left. You couldn't be in suffocating one sided relationship where you were forced to love someone. You had to leave. I'm sorry I didn't understand this then. If I did, I would've suppressed my feelings and never let you go.

    I still imagine us together, but now I do it through my writings. Inside them, I still keep you close to my scar filled heart.

    ©stilliam

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    Mistake

    Your leaving, hurt like someone just stabbed my heart with a broken glass and then started slowly moving it through my chest, piercing every inch of my tissue to its core and breaking my heart into infinite pieces.

    ©stilliam

    2 4 Link
  • stilliam 215w

    My Speciality: Not making any sense!

    #Lost @writersnetwork

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    Lost

    I found a home while I was lost in your love.
    I lost everything else when I was inside that home.

    ©stilliam

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  • stilliam 216w

    Did I ever tell you that I love the period of new moon(Amavasya, to be precise.)? Well, I do. It's that time of the month when the sky is filled with nothing but darkness. You know I love darkness, right?

    See, when there is a moon illuminating the night, many people will be with you. But when there is darkness and no one can see you, nobody will even try to find you. You can be alone as much as you want to. And I love being alone.

    Being alone is not a good thing, I know, but its better than being surrounded by fake people. I know you hate this thing about me, you never liked me being alone. It is one of the reasons why I fell for you, because in that darkness, when everybody else left, you held my hand so tight and close to yourself that it was hard to let go and be alone.

    I think it is also one of the reasons why it hurt so bad when you left. Because instead of leaving me in darkness, you left my hand in broad daylight. I was suddenly surrounded by enormous amount of people to support and comfort me, I wasn't alone at all. Well played, hats off to you.

    You know, at that time, I may had everyone by my side, but I was still alone from the inside. Because the only person that removed loneliness from my life, was you.

    ©stilliam

    P.S. I know it feels incomplete, but I don't know why, I'm just in love with incomplete things.

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    Amavasya

    It is one of the reasons why I fell for you, because in that darkness, when everybody else left, you held my hand so tight and close to yourself that it was hard to let go and be alone.

    ©stilliam

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  • stilliam 219w

    Random Thought.
    Temporary maybe.

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    Morose

    When my heart became morose,
    I picked a pen and then arose.

    ©stilliam

    4 4 Link
  • stilliam 221w

    Without you,
    I'm just a sad song.
    - We The Kings, Elena Coats
    (Song: Sad Song)

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    Sad Song

    On the gate of my abandoned heart
    Lies a hope of a brand new start
    Which dies everyday
    Waiting for you


    When this hope gets tired of waiting
    It starts wandering
    In the nothingness
    Of my broken pieces


    This wandering creates a familiar sound
    Feels something like a sad song
    And isn't that the truth?
    I'm just a sad song without you

    ©stilliam

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  • stilliam 221w

    #Portrait @writersnetwork

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    Portrait

    Together we created
    The most beautiful portrait
    Ever invented
    The one with our love etched in it

    You left
    Spilling water and dark colours
    All over it
    Turning it into
    A massacre of emotions
    I've to live in

    ©stilliam

    8 28 Link
  • stilliam 222w

    To 'The one who broke me'

    Hey! How are you? Eh... Why am I even asking this? Of course you're happy. I saw you, you were way too happy. Wondering when I saw you? Let me tell you.

    I was stalking you. Yeah, like every other creepy ex-lover, I was stalking you too. Don't ask me why after a year, 'cause I don't have a answer for that. (If there's a line of creepiness, that's not even a dot to me now.)

    I was missing you. So I opened my fake account. Yes exactly! A fake account, because, of course, I blocked you from my personal one. (Aakhir self respect bhi kuch chiz hoti hai!) Today, I opened this account after almost 8 months. In the last 8 months, I missed you, but not this much to open an account just to see your pics. (Actually, miss to bohot kiya hai but self control tha.) Today, I was out of control!

    When I opened your account, I realised that I've come to new place where I've never been before. All of your posts, in which most of them were of us, were deleted and all the current ones are with him. In the current ones, your smile is as big as I never got to see. I knew you'll move on to someone new, but literally, this fast and this much that you totally forgot I exist. (Here I'm just trying to hide the fact that you never cared about me anyway.)

    And if you're thinking that I came to the conclusion that you're happy just by seeing your smile in those pics, then you are wrong. A smile can be faked for a photograph. (I know the difference between your real smile and fake, but confirm krne mein mera kya jata hai.) Now the interesting part comes, where I actually become a stalker.

    I followed you to coffeehouse where you two were supposed to meet today. Don't ask me how I know that. (I have contacts. No, actually you made me a perfect stalker. Thanks girl!) I sat on the table behind you. I sat there and listened to your shit for an hour straight. That's when I came to the conclusion that you're genuinely happy and way more than you ever were!

    Now you are probably thinking why am I writing you all this, why am I making myself look like shit. I don't know. (I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW!) Nevermind. I am actually happy for you. I'm happy that you're happy. (You see, here I'm trying to hide my pain.) Hahaha! Bye.

    From 'The one who's actually crazy'

    ©stilliam

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    Stalker

    I was stalking you. Yeah, like every other creepy ex-lover, I was stalking you too. Don't ask me why after a year, 'cause I don't have a answer for that. (If there's a line of creepiness, that's not even a dot to me now.)

    ©stilliam

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