i am a mechanic by trade a philosophical being i have now become a published author verses from a twisted mind

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  • twistedmind 105w


    Sunrise in these eyes opens blinds to closed minds like a shadow being lifted.
    Salt air through tassled hair as the wind blows in a constant reminder.
    Yesterday's the blueprint but not the final product, now repeat the sentence.
    Fear of what was, said or did doesn't define you.
    Stand your ground in the moment but allow yourself to heal.
    Be kind and true but remain real.

    Words and actions aligned like cross hairs in the scope of the perfect weapon.
    Feel the sting like blood pooling inside, the pit filled within your being, drowning.
    Higher consciousness will allow us to have our feelings, drown in moments when "how life could be" isn't even a mere memory.
    Yet we choose not to entertain it.
    When the sky doesn't break for a being who is trying to escape hopeless.
    Moments take place with things that are literally just insignificant.
    But the triggers real when it flashes back to the times you were a punching bag trapped in a cycle abusive.
    Not an excuse but it's definitely a thing thats real and it's confusing.
    Post traumatic stress can plague a person even when they seem so above it.

    So let the wind take the troubles away and try and embrace whats actually important.
    The sunrise inside as the darkness dissipates leaving only a residue of the times you lived as the broken.
    Words are weapons but wounds will heal over.
    I guess sometimes the ones closest need to be pushed back because the petty punches, words and actions really get provoking.
    Try and laugh it off like 'hee hee i was only joking', like the balance of life is controlled by only one person.
    If you dont stand your ground and speak your mind on occasion then you allow your boundaries to be broken.
    Its no joke when everything you are is built by the obstacles that nearly killed you.

    To be placed in a position where what you want and feel has no need for being spoken.
    Maintain peace because you see something.
    Dying on the inside because life has given nothing, no break no partner that is willing.
    Giving in or up isn't even an option because you know this life unfolds like its all for some sort of reason.
    So you ride it out asking for a sign because the roads dead ended and the map is stuck, not loading.
    The universe and its power can run through you, a vessel for the powers as you scream at the stars, asking them to guide you.

    Knowing this existence has a higher purpose, yet everything you deserve and desire for some reason isn't on the menu.
    All you have is the empty cage filled with shards like stained glass where a heart was supposed to be protected.
    Sunrises and moonlight on clear nights is the gifts that you are receiving.
    Let them wash away all of the hurt and worry, that weight that slowly kills you.
    A new day another way to show this world that if anything you're a fighter.
    So fill your cup and get up, move forward.
    Cause every day seems to be just another lesson.

  • twistedmind 111w

    Just another friend

    Calculating theoretically envisioning how life could be.
    Seeing time run uncontrollably while these walls in a mind enthusiastic become so limiting.

    See what you want and hold it close to heart, breath the life in from finish to start.
    Lives of the past and lessons unknown is what they state.
    Its like adding desires to the basket but will we ever make it to the lines end?, to check out ok.
    How can a being so powerful be so wrong time and time again?

    Brital is the existence of a heart so willing to give.
    Empty inside every night as the sleep crawls and claws its way in.
    Build up the knowledge of the ones who understand, then watch them with healed perspective vanish like a mirage as people become memories again.

    Put in the work, the effort and be kind to all.
    Sending the positive vibes even when it feels somehow so wrong.
    Feel life slip away as your peripherals catch the clock on the wall.

    Be an example of what a human should be.
    But no one sees it as a fit, they just want to be friends and now you have to make the call.

    Like the line of souls that fill that spot isn't already full.
    Sorry but I'm trying to fill a different kind of hole, a different kind of "friend" is what this soul lacks the most.

  • twistedmind 125w

    File 13

    You're like the sun, always the light in their day.
    They are the moon keeping you safe as you lay.
    The only light in their sky, the only light that they chase.
    Around the world, every day just the same.
    While awake and even in dream.
    That comfort, the safety in the place that they stay.
    Everything that builds up their haven of safe.

    But that's just words and you really don't play, like fire with gas they engulf all that's good into flames.
    You stray from the safety in which you crave because god forbid you feel "ok".
    Exhausted pleas as you refuse some peace.
    Holding onto a notion that you are owed an explanation for shattered dreams.
    Holding on to memories of days long passed.
    Holding onto rage while they continue to cycle back-leading the pack, you and their personalities are in a race.

    Turn the page, just turn the page.
    Burn the page and close the case.
    Like cold case that file has no place.
    No place left not even a vacant safe, just another memory to take to the bank.

    The light in the eye the light that is chased.
    Playing with time and like a vine, the string of lines can be perfectly traced.
    Maybe if paid more attention would be easier to keep.
    Maybe they played more because of the "poor pitiful me".
    The story forever changing yet not once have they been the beast.
    They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder but all they be holding is shit.
    Not an eye open to the future not a cloud ready to break.
    Not even a kit kat, so it's consistent that everyone with them hits the brakes.

    Still when the dust settles and the stars unblur, the light in the sky the light for which you care.
    It doesn't change just gotta keep that distance, fully protected like biological warfare.
    Shity decisions makes a life lesser than what is deserved.
    Self perserved by the scars they forever bare.
    Mistskes raised the stakes and now being happy makes them scared.
    Nothing you can do nothing registers cause words is words.

    Turn the page, just turn the page.
    Burn the page and close the case.
    Like cold case that file has no place.
    No place left not even a vacant safe, just another memory to take to the bank.

    Now weeks turned to months and slowly faded into years.
    That was last decade and is no longer a cross that you bear.
    Honestly seeing them stuck in the cycles is just a grizzly sight brushed by hands covered in despair.
    You know that smile is as real as the color of their hair.
    The list of fake goes on beyond the horizon of the light that they are.
    Illuminated by the unrelenting tone of a life unfolding unfair.
    Binding at the hinges like a rusty lawn chair.
    Every attempt made to level was a fail in the pile of endless "no".
    Every word of truth batted out of thin air.
    Lies and twisted tales is all in which they care.
    Kind and caring, honest and pure none of these things are appealing is what you learned.
    Abusive words,scenarios and worse... get physical and scream and it's tolerated for sure.
    Double standards mixed messages still playing on the "poor me".
    Shits exhausting to the point you realise the whole human being is just a file 13.

    Trashed idea of what a dream could be.
    Stand up and take a look from the sidelines cause thats the only place you will be.
    It's ok just cause you live like a three holed white sheet, dont mean zoned to friends is where you need to be.
    People like that are not even worth the effort it takes to barely breathe.
    So get up and walk before its to exhausting to leave.
    Sometimes years devoted just dont mean a thing.
    Sometimes people keep you close because your a commodity not a being.
    Sometimes its ok to hold their head under their lies until they stop kicking their feet.
    And thats just how it be.

    Turn the page, just turn the page.
    Burn the page and close the case.
    Like cold case that file has no place.
    No place left not even a vacant safe, just another memory to take to the bank.
    Death certifaicate in hand the circles lost another sheep.
    No fucks given, gained better sleep.

  • twistedmind 128w

    Hit the like button and share to make my day #life #poetry #thoughts #diary #inspiration #thoughts #diary #poetry #life #love

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    I am the pitch

    I am the pitch; the black that is the sky.
    According to my ex's I am the place where all your dreams will come to die.
    And if you look close you will see the brush strokes as I paint you with my eyes.

    I guess accepting is something lacking like my mind is contracting and subtracting tolerance no longer kind. Reenacting and dissecting every other word within every line, creating the facade that everything said is just a lie.

    Life is a glass house of limo tint and triple pain, laminated not once but twice is the only way.
    People will make up what they see when they only see a silhouette of what's inside just surface deep.

    People will creep up and take their shot usually from behind, tell the story of who you are when they dont even know themselves within their fictional mind.
    Believe it and see it, be "it" and just prove em' right.

    I mean what's it matter? what's the difference when tinted windows filter all the light.
    Pointed fingers and false personas telling twisted lines.
    Artists painting pictures, words are weapons clouded judgement and clouds block out all the bright.

    It's a vicious understanding that its only perception that makes it wrong or right. It's hard times with twisted minds as the sun shines in the fables and not in real life.
    So feed the machine or be free and use your feet too save your life.

    Pull back withdraw, percieve being free. Mind yourself let it be like wind through tangled trees it's just restrictions born within life cause nothing easy is meant to be.

    Ground breaks like flood gates as tears leak from time to time and it's fine to remind and rewind but time will always give us an uncomfortable push.

    It takes mistakes and retakes on decisions made before we replace what lingers deep inside.
    Be the pitch be the black be the one alone in the crowd.
    Let the stories bleed as they read but can't pin hate and greed on a being-being so care free.
    Basking in both darkness and light like stars in the night just a spectacle to be seen.

  • twistedmind 130w

    Hit the like button and share to make my day #life #poetry #thoughts #diary

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    Shitstorm of life

    Everything's a life lesson is that what they say?
    Guess I'm not exempt from it; after all the things I touch on in all the sentences I lay.
    Cycles, loops and patterns be observant but patience is the key.
    Let things play out and don't react, unless it's accordingly.
    How do we know the difference when tested everyday?
    How can we progress if there's no intermission; not a single break.
    Guess it's just tacked to the bill endless, waiting for tomorrow while struggling with today.
    Look for a silver lining, looking beyond the grey.
    Again with the lessons and again with choking down the hate.
    Knowing your worth but life just leads you astray.

    So this is supposed to teach us? This is gonna lead us to something great?
    Seems like business, like karma dont care what you have to say.
    Feels like mischief, like being subjected to foul play.
    Guess life has interest, taxes with no break.
    Now we're losing interest, its always the same old garbage introduced in a similar way.
    Numb and heartless, feeling dull an grey.
    Recycled ideas and second hand rage.
    Life isn't fair get used to it but it's illegal to exit the game?
    Everyone seems selfish and society says it's ok.
    Stuck on "it's not me it's them" as you change people not behavior?, that's not ok.
    Narcissists in the making, people with no face.
    Lose yourself in the lies, lives created just the facade of chasing dreams.
    Lost in the moment but it's been years not days.
    Now looking into the mirror not recognizing who you see.
    Time to change personas and cycle people till you feel free.
    Create another image, another lie in the closet of deceit.
    Guess it's easier to pretend then to change yourself and create internal peace.

    So on with another lesson on with disbelief.
    Can hear these people talking but it doesn't mean a thing.
    Its yeah whatever, say what you gotta say.
    But this is my existence and your ideas have no place.
    Oh you have an answer? You have a pill filled with what you believe?
    Here let me get some water and choke on it all for you to see.
    Say take that high road to feel somehow free.
    I say you took some high notes, cause your logic sounds like you been smoking weed.
    So hit them high notes and sing your theoretical beliefs.
    Just dont check the background, as people vacate like falling leaves.
    So is it be a shity person and pass along deceit?
    Or be a good human but give no fucks about what opinion they take.
    People like to play victim and learned how to manipulate.
    I like to be helpful and that's my toxic trait.
    I learned to pull my walls down to see a world of waste.
    Now we have no choice and we need to disconnect from this shady place.
    Oh they will call out, begging for scraps off of your plate.
    But when your all out, there wont be a crumb to eat.
    You think it all counts? That was your mistake.
    Now your up against the wall as the help given rarely reciprocates.

    Back to lessons and cycles that just repeat.
    Approach with new mindset created from all your rage.
    Hows that mind set? Did you learn and recalibrate.
    Or is it just the same shit, just a different day.
    Maybe the patterns are just some comic relief.
    Maybe your an actor within a movie that's currently being made?
    What if this reality is a fabricated belief?
    How about no answers given will ever give relief.
    Every answer needed is within the mind of the question asking being.
    How do you like that perspective? Now do you have an eye to see?
    Maybe this life is made up, and no one has the answers to anything.
    Maybe it's what you make up in your thoughts that help create.
    This is a personal existence and none of it is free.
    Nows a time for boundaries and setting ego in the grave.
    Be kind to others, stop stepping on everyones feet.
    Wanna be narcissistic then you will get to see.
    See the side that comes out when actions are mirrored indefinitely.
    Do what you do to others it's just part of the day.
    Just dont be surprised when your actions end up thrown back into your face.

  • twistedmind 139w

    Check out the rest of my archive #life #poetry #thoughts #diary

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    The storm

    Have you ever felt like life had pushed you up against a wall?
    Had those arms pinned tight against your will?
    Have you ever sat back and sifted through it all?
    Just another late night thoughts pounding like your head begins to swell?....

    Everything I stood for just couldn't stand the storm.
    Feel the hand of life pressed against this throat.
    Feel the knife placed through the spinal chord.
    Paralyzed and locked eyes wondering if I ever lived at all.
    Is this the life that man had come to know?
    Is this what being a black sheep is all about?
    Take this knife and give me more.
    Take this life and make it yours.

    Cause everything I stood for just couldn't stand the
    And everything I looked for was never to be found.
    Turned every fucking stone, turned a new page but the blood had stained them all.
    Held pinned with life's hand against this throat.
    Held captive against the grain of self made walls.
    Just fucking weathered, standing out here in the cold.
    Never ending, is this really how the story goes?
    Is this really how it goes?
    Tell me, is there truly any control?

    Bound and held down choking the sands as the illusion of time runs out.
    Found now that what I stood for couldn't weather the unrelenting storm.
    Bound together fractured pieces, nothing whole.
    But together is something of fiction to us now.

    What is left when nothing is sacred anymore?
    What's this gift if it isn't worth fighting for?
    Nothing said, will ever repair what is broke.
    Don't hold your breath for I see far more than you know.
    Cause everything I stood for couldn't weather the storm.
    And I feel the blade held to this collapsing throat.
    So just stare into their eyes and wait to be relieved. And as you stare what do you even see?
    Nothing cause life is full of lies, nothing left but to close them eyes.

    Open mind just can't comply.
    Lost all hope and left expectations alone to die.
    Pinned up against the wall in the back of your mind.
    Fed up and now there's nothing left, nowhere to hide.
    Giving up as your walls and will slowly die.
    Let it drain like the red substance of life.
    Holding space as everything tears you apart.
    But what is left when you are stripped of whom you are?
    Fight back, fight like no ones seen before.
    Nothing left, nothing to be found.

    Bound and held down choking the sands as the illusion of time runs out.
    Found now that what I stood for couldn't weather the unrelenting storm.
    Bound together fractured pieces, nothing whole.
    But together is something of fiction to us now.

    Everything I stood for just couldn't stand the storm.
    Feel the hand of life pressed against this throat.
    Feel the knife placed through the spinal chord.
    Paralyzed and locked eyes wondering if I ever lived at all.
    Is this the life that man had come to know?
    Is this what being a black sheep is all about?
    Take this knife and give me more.
    Take this, life and make it yours.

  • twistedmind 142w

    All comments and opinions appreciated #love #life #poetry #thoughts #diary

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    Cursed verse 3 (fin)

    24-7 365, leap years aside the story you can't hide.
    Hold resentment? Place blame? Pull back from the life you hold in your mind.
    You know for a fact you tried, you live without conditions no judgement or ego, remained kind.
    Change how you react change how you portray.
    Change it all and then change it all again.
    At what point is it not the player but the game?
    Maybe the cards dealt are laced in pain and betray?
    What if giving up is the only choice left to make.
    Lay down and die cause energy is spent, the belief doesn't mean much to a world that forgot you exist.
    A number on a pay stub just a worker in the grid.
    Cursed living alone but having the most to give.
    Ironic hearing what is desired is all in which you are made.
    Sit back let's cycle through some thoughts.
    If you focus on what you don't have you drown in what you're not.
    So no one comes to you with honesty, no commitment or effort made.
    They roll with you just taking a free ride waiting for their cup to fill.
    Use you for their agenda expecting you to feel it's fair?
    Once or twice is fine but its become everyone in which you cared.
    Now you pulled away, you doubt every other word.
    It says lots about them and that image can't be repaired.
    But it still changes a person having to constantly battle the same war.
    So you start shutting down start learning how to not care.
    Bury all emotions because nobody showed they cared.
    Tell yourself its fine , there is nothing wrong with you even though your scared.
    Keep pushing on, keep trying to improve.
    Does it mean the damage done is just and fair?
    Does it mean you won't be changed with every single blow?
    Do scars heal back to how they were?
    Don't blame yourself for being pushed beyond return.
    Only so much trauma can mentally be endured.
    Anyone would break over what you went through.
    Don't listen to the finger pointing point of view.
    You don't deserve this plate life had given you.
    You keep being polite and being authentic you, I'm sorry your depression has become the other half of you.
    Just try and remember you still have some things to do.
    Don't quit now though I know your close, don't stand to long staring down the crossroads.
    No one will understand your personal point of view, tolerance is your strength and downfall if you didn't know.
    But if you do decide you're done and don't pull through, I'll see you on the other side.
    Beyond the black rainbow.

  • twistedmind 143w

    Second verse
    Writing used to help me but since my lately nothing helps.
    Rip to my beloved puppy romeo
    Rip to my little cousin/brother Elijah
    I send best wishes to my kids mother, i love you and hope your happy...
    Dont know what to do, if there is a light anymore... #love #life #thoughts #diary #poetry

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    Cursed (second verse)

    Thinking like; everything that I am is what makes me me.
    But the darkness in me is my worst enemy.
    I didn't choose this but it corrupted me.
    A victim of self or just living as the enemy?, I cant differentiate what's constructive and what's breaking me.
    I asked for help several times but it's just not meant to be.
    Wonder what they will expect when there's nothing left?
    Work it out with the best of me but they've been dead since the mid term of this century.
    Decade, whatever you know years don't mean much to me.
    It's excruciating the thoughts and feelings pick at nerves.
    Physically sick because the stress has your stomach turned.
    Ulcers that bleed as you cough trying to cope.
    Some people speak but its not anything that gives hope.
    Your happiness is within self stop living in the drought.
    You fucking chose this, you need to just get up.
    How you have been treated shouldn't have effect on you.
    Being stepped on and lied to, used and robbed blind.
    Every person you let in was just a choice you made that wasted your time.
    Just smile and laugh, just be happy not sad.
    Its easy just hit delete on every fucking memory you have.
    Every person you let in that fucked with your head.
    Every single I love you laced in lie that lingers like dust.
    Ya no problem it is what it is.
    Disregard the fact a person has always struggled with being depressed.
    Every memory good is matched to ten bad.
    A mind that's parasitic pulling files as people talk.
    Been lied to so much your guard is constantly up.
    That's why no one likes you cause you always think to much.
    No its cause you think-that you get depressed.
    People can't be honest and that fucking hurts.
    The word love is dead, fucking wore out.
    Guess being real is to much, no one likes to live constantly figuring things out.
    Lies in stories as people pretend to be everything they are not.
    Every action has a reaction and we try and figure it out .
    But sentenced to being no fun and having been cast out.
    What stories do you have what's to brag about?
    Common interests is lost when nobody wants to keep in touch.
    Do for you cause you only have yourself.
    Then people come around but socially your fucked up.
    Awkward and strange no one gets what you say out loud.
    To deep in the mind to different from the crowd.
    Now everything you wanted literally can't work out.
    Swallowed pride and pushed down doubt.
    But what's in common when work has become all you know?
    Eat, sleep, work, live all alone...
    Do you know how fucking hard that is on a mind that runs cold?
    It can destroy a person if it is let go to long.
    That's the making of victim of ones own dark.
    That's what happens when life shits on an already fractured soul.
    You see pain, anger, shut down, misery and more.
    But they see the why and how.
    Wanting to be happy and trying to push through.
    The minute they make progress something always comes unglued.
    Leaves a person fifty shades of fucked.

  • twistedmind 143w


    What is love without chance, a roll of the dice.
    Come up short so many times that heart is now encased in ice.
    Found that person the million in one.
    But it takes two and you don't have what they want.
    Left with a bad taste in your mouth, words that you have to choke down cause now it's their happiness that only counts.
    See you have a happiness but its like a well, once prosperous and filled with a generous amount.
    But everyone took and took draining it below low.
    That's the chance the role of the dice, you give the benefit of doubt.
    Let them in so they can leave when you get down.
    Use your resources but never return, never give back just use and leave when rations get low.
    Guess its true they just come and go.
    Yet you sit around watching everyone else get more.
    Now its eating at you right down to the core.
    What is so bad about you and what you are?
    Must be ugly through and through, just a worthless bag of flesh and bone.
    Cast out by the outcasts and every other fucking soul.
    Searching for a reason to smile in every web filled hall in your soul.
    Pretty soon the hollow takes hold, every being you truly loved either leaves or gets killed.
    The voice inside starts begging to die, your own depression makes the devil cry.
    Nothing left no restraint can hold this racing mind.
    People notice that your broken inside, no smile no words not even a hi.
    But instead of reaching out they turn their backs cause your the bad guy.
    No one wants to spend time no one wants the sad mind.
    The irony is happy was broken by the humans who promised love.
    Now the people around you tell you your problem is you don't try.
    You never smile you barely say hi, its your own fault no one wants to come by.
    Disregard the pain endured by chance the die is dusty and chipped worn the fuck out.
    But all your effort and the extortion received don't count now.
    Nothing you ever gave is good enough and it continues even when your completely broke down.
    Not sure how you deserve this, not sure whats worthwhile at all.
    Is each breath taken a waste or what?
    Cause each piece given of my heart is now gone.
    Encased in ice convinced nothing will ever work out.
    Entrapped with a mind wanting to shut down.
    Craving simple companionship but you just get left out.
    This world forgot you and you just gotta drown.
    If I find you at your lowest I know I'll stick around.
    But that is one sided cause no one wants to help out.
    Everyone wants to walk in at the highs and expect to never see that type of low.
    Being to intelligent and feelings in tune, that's a curse but that's not news.
    How long till your a headline on marble stone ...

  • twistedmind 144w

    Work in progress

    A work in progress a project without an end.
    A work in progress, reducing baggage within this head.
    Slipping through happiness in moments broken and that just won't do.
    Watching myself triggered with typical reactions, wanting to respond with something new.
    It's not hard to be happy it's just tough to push through.
    Feeling faded every time I'm phased by you.
    Not angry not hatred but something in me just rips in two.

    Just a typical Pisces with emotions through the roof.
    Always wrapped in feelings feeling every subtle change in every fucking room.
    Honestly its killing me and I don't know what to do, I want to be more in happy instead of being dazed and confused.
    I want to show my acceptance and support without sounding so unglued.
    Should have been a Gemini the way I'm fighting myself so sick of the old and pushing for something new.

    A work in progress an attempt to change my point of view.
    Re writing files aiming for more smiles and a less darkened mood.
    What is felt inside has been filtered out so people never knew.
    Never see the happy the support and all the love just this image of depressed and fucking done.
    Triggered by simple questions cause I have to much to say, I catch myself ranting ideas but in a negative way.
    Hear myself talk and I don't know about some the shit I say.
    Think it bothers you? It eats at me everyday.

    Could write a book on darkness and what it truly means.
    Could go off the deep and and throw it all away.
    I'm real and have feelings and honestly that's ok, I'm just sick of being stuck living in this grey.
    Guess I'm just jaded living this life always feeling pain.
    I have so many moments that I replay to brighten up my day.
    But the more I think about it the more I want to make.
    Just a work in progress trying to recalibrate.
    I think I have both sides of the coin within me cause I feel two ways.

    I'm happy for your happy I just want you to succeed, I know life is tough at times so I just want give some ease.
    I hate arguments and even more dislike towards deceit.
    I hate hearing things that I already knew were fake.
    But sometimes I feel like I need a hearing aid cause I don't hear what they say.
    Metaphorical cause meanings can be easily misplaced.
    Just want to understand I bet I can relate.
    I feel like sometimes my high emotion twists phrases the wrong way.

    The other side of me, the side that loves the grey.
    It always talks to me in the most self limiting ways.
    Everything is an attack and I'm always the one to blame.
    Everything that tears me up inside is constantly replayed.
    The voices in my head always know just what to say.
    Fucking narcissistic taunts and it's me talking to me.
    Everything hits me like a fucking train.
    Can go from ecstatic to wanting to fade away.
    I truly fucking hate it and I don't know how much I can take.
    I'm a work in progress I guess is all I can really say...