There comes a time when the very things that liberate you, set you up on fire and drain you out. You feel empty yet heavy at the same time. The anxiety keeps taking over and everything inside and outside jumbles up and leaves you vulnerable to the same pain and hurt again and again. You feel like it's happening again , it's happening again right now, not the incident itself but the way it left bruises and scars on you skin. The parts it left dead again seem alive and make you want to end it all because you can't go through the same pain again and again. You can't imagine finding the strength everyday to let it go . And when all this is back, you don't know what to do with it at all. You sometimes think that you are getting better with time and you will move on someday . When actually what you had found is just a way to numb it all. The silent, dreadful screams from within refuse to be paused. They keep resurrecting with a new fire and all your scattered pieces that you had collected slip through your fingers and the cycle continues again and again.
This piece is for all my fellow miraquill writers. Thank you for making me feel less lonely in this crowd. Thank you for being that flicker of light in my bad days and buddle of joy in my best days. Thank you for existing.